Time

Time is not a category of our dimension. It is on a different level, closer to our spiritual substance. We deceive ourselves with watches at our wrists: we cannot measure it as what we do is measuring a distance and not time. We transpose distance to a time quality.

I do remember the days in my youth, they unraveled so slowly. Looking at my life ahead was looking at a sort of eternity with a remote limit, somewhere in the future. My little eyes could not see that far and the feelings of those days were stuck at a sort of repetitive stillness, summer after summer, winter after winter.

In my twenty’s I could accompany a great physical vigor to this infinite horizontal timing of my days, which made me feel indeed like one of the Greek Goddesses: someone like Athena, with her immortal austere and steady look.

It is so weird to think of it now as in all the resources and strength that I experienced in myself I was so vulnerable on a deeper level. All this explosion of power was a push to sustain me when inside the house of my soul was not even at the foundations.

We can let time mold us like a sculptor works on marble.

Slowly the life bar straightens up and the inner growth becomes a visible and superficial precariousness. Boldness, audacity, ideals and convictions give way to an inquiring mind, who is more inclined to ask questions instead of giving answer. Suddenly we found ourselves looking behind our back, analyzing the past, sometimes regretting, sometimes with remorse.

This exercise towards the past represents the adult time misconception, the same kind of when we were young.

Looking at the past which will not come back as adults, expecting from the future an eternal reward for being alive as young. It is just a repetition compulsion, which brings us always in the same place: far from ourselves.

We can break the chain that time can wrap around us.

The Rosanna living now holds the one who was living in the past, but that Rosanna could not hold who I am now. For every second I live now, I take off a brick of the house of the future, which will remain permanently unfinished, in my current favor.

We are in the present and time is our ally when we decide to rest in our essence.

Repetition Compulsion

Repetition Compulsion, mixed media on canvas 50 x 70 cm

 

All images © 2012 2018 Rosanna Gaddoni
All rights reserved

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